


Reverse Matchmaking

by Drowsy_Salamander



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Except it's not high school cos it's in Britain, I mean most of the tagged characters are background, Like there's other characters but they're mostly background, Look if you want a lot Hastur and Ligur this ain't the fic for you, Misgendering, No One Likes Sandalphon ×, Non-binary character, Other, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-08-13 06:03:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20169352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drowsy_Salamander/pseuds/Drowsy_Salamander
Summary: Gabriel Fell was the resident Golden Boy with a perfect family and perfect friends. Bee Zebul wore fishnets and sets swarm of bees on people who annoy them. The two were happy living totally separate lives, vaguely hating each other and all they stood for. Then Ezra Fell started dating Anthony Crowley. Gabriel simply cannot let his poor baby brother be toyed with by such an evil being, the only solution is break them up before any lasting damage can be done to Ezra. To help him in his quest, he gets Bee's help and the two set out to break Ezra and Crowley apart. The problem? Apart from general incompetence, the pair get distracted by their own love lives.We've seen Beelzebub and Gabriel try to break up Crowley and Aziraphale post-Cannon. We've seen Highschool aus. Now its time for Beelzebub and Gabriel try to break up Crowley and Aziraphale Highschool au.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading this chapter, I just want to explain how the narration is going to work. The story is from Gabriel's point of view. Gabriel in this story is a sheltered, white, cisgendered, supposedly straight boy. Bee is non-binary. They don't exactly introduce themselves with this fact so Gabriel doesn't know/realise. So there will be misgendering and deadnaming in this chapter in the narration. But I do want to clarify that yes, Bee uses they/them pronouns, they're just not used at this point cos Gabriel just doesn't get it. Just wanted to state that. Anyway, thank you for choosing this fic and enjoy.

Ezra Fell and Anthony Crowley were dating. The sentence whipped around the school from ear to ear. It started slowly then steadily bubbled up through the students like water boiling. Anathema Device, the resident activist goth heard it and passed it on to her boyfriend while he cursed technology. Mrs. Tracy overheard it from one of her students and gave a brisk ‘Good for them’ in response. The rumor even reached the surprisingly well-informed ears of Adam Young despite not even being in secondary school yet. Everyone knew that Ezra Fell and Anthony Crowley were dating. Almost everyone. 

Gabriel Fell did not. This was by design. Gabriel was many things, including a gossip but he was also an incredibly overbearing and smug presence in Ezra’s life, a judgmental one at that, and Ezra did not want Gabriel hearing about his love-life, thank you very much. Anyone who so much as looked like they would mention it to Gabriel would get Ezra’s sad eyes and Crowley’s threats and decide that shit-stirring could wait another day. 

So how did Gabriel learn of his little brother’s relationship? 

Michael Angel. 

Gabriel’s friends were like him. They walked like they owned the place and passed judgement on all less moral than them. They were the biggest bunch of goodie-two-shoes in the whole country. They were obnoxiously Catholic and holier-than-thou. They were the kids that went to mass without their parents and would discuss scripture. Despite this, Michael Angel was what many would consider a hypocrite as she espoused the same talking-points as her friends but also kept multiple back channels open with people who she wouldn’t consort with in public for gossip. Michael knows all the gossip. 

She heard this particular tidbit from Hastur who’s first name cannot be said without being punched. Of course, Hastur was close to the source of this gossip but none too fond of Crowley or Ezra so was more than happy to give all the details to Michael. Once Michael gathered all the scandalous details, she dutifully delivered the full story to Gabriel. 

He then entered the five stages of grief. 

Denial; Gabriel blinked slowly at Michael, his smile became even more fixed on his face. ‘I’m sorry, Michael what did you say?’ Michael started to speak but Gabriel interrupted her. ‘Because it sounded like you were saying that my baby brother who cried when we watched the Sound of Music and who’s main hobby is book collecting, is fraternizing with Anthony Crowley? Now, does this sound like Ezra?’

Michael refused to be cowed and simply repeated ‘That is what I’ve heard.’ This is where Gabriel entered the next stage of Grief, Anger. 

‘Well, you must be woefully misinformed. In fact, you should tell me just where you heard this dreadful lie just so I can correct them.’ Gabriel bared his smile at Michael like a weapon causing Uriel to lean away from him.

Sandalphon, who lacked any sense of self-preservation, chose that moment to pipe up with ‘Actually, I think I’ve heard that too.’ Beside him, Uriel began a silent prayer for her safety. 

Gabriel whipped his head around to Sandalphon. ‘You what?’

‘Yeah, overheard some of the younger years talking about it. I think. I can’t really remember.’ He chuckled. ‘Funny rumor.’

‘Yeah, real funny.’ Gabriel looked fairly demented as rage fought with his need to appear “nice”. ‘It’s such a fucking funny rumor. So funny.’ He repeated. He looked around at his friends then snarled. ‘Why aren’t you all laughing at this funny rumor. I’m sure everyone is.’ He then eyed them all. Finding them lacking in whatever quality he was searching for, Gabriel stormed off. 

‘Is Gabriel mad at me?’ Sandalphon asked his remaining companions as Gabriel stalked away. 

Gabriel gritted his teeth is what was a distant cousin to a smile while his thoughts flew. Ezra, his little brother Ezra, with one of the Legion of Hell? That lot were not the sort to be consorted with. They were all weird and dangerous. They smoked and drank alcohol. They did graffiti on the walls and he was certain one of them was responsible for the fire in computer lab last year. [1] They were trouble, every last member. From Ariyon Duke who they all called “Ligur” for some unknown reason to Dagon Lovecraft who was rumored to have stabbed a boy with a pen when he couldn’t take no for an answer to Anthony Crowley himself who had played “Never Gonna Give You Up” over the school intercom and was definitely responsible for “Michael is a wanker” being written on every desk in the school. The part of Gabriel’s mind that was doing damage control helpfully pointed out that it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been Hastur. He kept that as a mantra throughout the rest of the day. At least it’s not Hastur At least it’s not Hastur At least it’s not-He couldn’t do this. He had to break them up. 

There was no question about it. It was for Ezra’s own good. Who knew what Crowley’s game was? He was probably just toying with Ezra and laughing about it with the rest of his despicable lot. Gabriel’s blood boiled. This was just a game to him, he didn’t care about Ezra’s emotions. Ezra was just his latest plaything. Gabriel would put a stop to it before his brother’s heart was broken. But if Gabriel told him this or tried to forcibly break them up, then Ezra would either not believe him and continue this farce or, even worse, Gabriel would be responsible for breaking Ezra’s heart. But if he could get someone else to break them up or, better yet, have Crowley break up with him now then Gabriel could sweep in and dry Ezra’s tears. The relationship needed to end now before Ezra could develop deeper feelings for the hoodlum. 

And then like a rather hideous angel descending from Heaven, Gabriel saw Bethany Zebub. Bethany Zebub was the unofficial, official leader of that lot of freaks and was Trouble. He spotted her round the back of the school by the bins smoking. Unusually she wasn’t surrounded by her entourage, not even Lovecraft who Michael had informed him was Bethany’s girlfriend. 

Gabriel as approached, his nose wrinkled from the smoke and his lip curled in disapproval. ‘No smoking on school grounds!’ He bossed. 

Bethany gave him a look most people reserve for rotting roadkill. ‘And what part of me looks like I care?’ She asked in a bored voice. 

Gabriel’s eyebrow twitched slightly in response. ‘It’s the rules. You have to follow them.’

Bethany gave him a small smile at that. It wasn’t reassuring. ‘I find that rules don’t get applied to me, people who try to enforce them, well…’ 

Gabriel refuses to be intimidated even as he remembered how Sandalphon had, after insulting her, found a swarm of bees in his car. ‘Well, you see, I wanted to propose something, Bethany—’ 

‘-Bee’ Bethany interrupted. 

‘Excuse me, what?’ Gabriel queried, insulted at being interrupted. He knew everyone called her “Bee”, including most of the teachers but that was just a nickname because of said bees-in-car incident. 

‘My name is Bee, not Bethany, you dumbass.’ She gave him a Look. ‘And considering you want my help, you’d better not start insulting me.’

‘I don’t use nicknames.’

‘Tough,’ she sounded tired like she’d had to explain this many times. ‘But also, it’s not a nickname. I mean I have nicknames, but Bee ain’t one.’

‘Really? What are they?’ Gabriel was temporarily distracted. His conversations had a bad habit of going off on tangents. 

‘Beelzebub, Prince of Hell, Lord, that kinda thing.’ There was a part of both Bethany and Gabriel that found this whole conversation surreal. 

‘Those seem very insulting… and weird.’ Gabriel generally disapproved of nicknames on principal. [2]

‘Did I ask for your fucking opinion?’

‘I... fine,’ Gabriel just have that up as a battle not worth fighting. ‘Anyway…. Bee, I wished to speak with you on an urgent matter.’

Bee took another inhale of her cigarette then blew the smoke in his face. ‘I’m listening.’ The minute change of facial expression revealed she found his discomfort funny. She was a damn sadist, Gabriel decided. 

‘It concerns Crowley,’ Gabriel watched her face closely. Bee didn’t seem to be interested or surprised. Anyone who knew her better would know that she was both interested and surprised. ‘and his …involvement with my brother.’

‘Continue.’ Bee ordered when Gabriel stopped.

‘I fear that it is an ill-advised association,’ he said with all the confidence of businessman proposing a plan at a shareholders meeting.[3] ‘Crowley hardly seems … the right match for my brother. I mean, he’s much too, erm, willful and has a flagrant disregard for any authority. And that he may… be a destructive influence in Ezra’s life.’

‘You mean he’s feral and you don’t want your Angelic brother being associated with him?’ Bee was as blunt as a brick thrown through a window. 

‘I mean- well- when you put- I would never-such an uncouth suggestion- look it’s just...’ Gabriel blustered before grabbing a distraction, ‘What did you mean by “Angelic”?’

Bee snorted. ‘I forgot how much up your own asses you lot are. (‘No need for that,’ Gabriel muttered.) ‘S’what everyone calls your lot ‘cos of how up yourselves you all are.’  
Gabriel beamed at that. Being compared to an angel, wasn’t that lovely.

‘Trust me, s’not a compliment.’ Bee said, slapping the smile off Gabriel’s face. ‘Anyway, why should I care about your brother losing his perfect reputation? Ain’t my problem.’ 

Now, many thought that Gabriel was an idiot but in fact there was a pretty clever mind. Granted, it was buried under many layers of smug and totally unearned self-confidence, but it did exist. In this moment, he had an epiphany to allow him to see all of Bee’s buttons and just which one he needed to press to get her co-operation. ‘Perhaps because it is not just my brother’s reputation on the line but Crowley’s too?’

This caught her off-guard. ‘What?’

‘You wouldn’t want your…’ Gabriel frantically searched for a suitable word. ‘associate to start behaving orderly. Attend class, actually do work, maybe even go to mass.’

‘You’re being ridiculous.’ She muttered but Gabriel could see she looked uncertain. 

‘Am I though? Ezra can be quite persuasive [4] and he could influence Crowley’s behaviour, ruining both his and your standing. What will you do when one of your little followers becomes good?’ If you knew where to look for it, Bee looked suitably shaken. ‘I just want to help both of us.’ Gabriel concluded.

Bee eyed him carefully. She was suspicious but Gabriel could tell he’d gotten her suitably concerned. ‘So, what was your great plan?’

‘Well,’ Gabriel straightened his back and clapped his hands together, delighted. ‘I was thinking that you could ask Crowley to break up with Ezra.’ He beamed. 

‘That’s an awful plan.’ Bee sneered. ‘Crowley doesn’t exactly take orders.’

‘Well, what would you suggest then.’ Gabriel grumped.

‘We’d need to be subtle; I know that’s something you struggle with.’ Bee said snidely. Gabriel thought that was rich coming from someone wearing nothing but black and red and wearing fishnets. ‘We need to observe them before making any move.’

Gabriel didn’t like this idea. He wanted this relationship shut down as soon as possible, today preferably but if necessary, he’d could be flexible and accept tomorrow. What was even the purpose of observing the pair? He and Bee already knew Ezra and Crow respectively. Gabriel said as much to Bee.

She rolled her eyes. ‘You’re an idiot. We might know them separately, but we don’t know them together. How much do they like each other, what do they do, do the have anything they do that annoys the other one. That kind of shit.’ 

‘Ah,’ Gabriel really didn’t want to admit that it was a very good point. ‘Well then, when shall we commence our mutual investigation?’

‘Jesus, you’re gonna give me a headache,’ Bee muttered.

‘Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.’ Gabriel said primly to which Bee only glared.

‘You’re a right bastard.’ She hissed.

‘Do we have a deal?’ Gabriel asked, graciously ignoring her insult. ‘We observe Ezra and Crowley and using our gathered intel, break them up to save them?’

Bee gave him a once over. ‘Alright, but we keep this quiet. Hanging around you will kill any respect anyone has for me faster than Crowley becoming a professional gardener would.’

‘Agreed.’ Gabriel stuck out a large hand for her to shake. She muttered something under her breath about him being damned old-fashioned but dutifully placed her hand in his. They shook hands briefly. Gabriel noticed that while her hands were as tough as the rest of her, they were also dainty. Then he wondered why he noticed that. 

‘Right, well, I’ll see you… around.’ Gabriel trailed off as Bee started to walk off without acknowledging him. ‘What are you doing? Oh right, need to be secretive. Um, begone foul loiterer from the bins round the back of this school.’

Bee flicked her cigarette butt onto the ground and gave him a middle finger as she walked away. What Gabriel couldn’t see, was Bee’s grin. This was going to amusing at any rate. 

[1] They weren’t actually. Newton Pulsifer had tried to use a computer and, well, that was how the fire began.  
[2] That principal being the fact that the nickname most commonly given to Gabriel was “Gabe” which he loathed.  
[3] This meeting sadly lacked any Wahoos  
[4] This was, as far as Gabriel knew, a bold face lie but he really wanted Bee on his side. In reality, Ezra can be quite persuasive to particular people. Particular people in this case meaning Anthony J. Crowley.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warning about misgendering for this chapter. There is also discussion about non-binary identities but not much and it mostly details Gabriel's not great thoughts about the concept. He will get better, I promise. although, speaking of Gabriel being not-great, this chapter displays an unhealthy sibling relationship. Do not treat your siblings like Gabriel does. If emotional manipulation and toxic familial relations is a trigger for you, skip all of Gabriel and Ezra's interactions.

It wasn’t a sunny day, by the most generous definition it still could not be called a sunny day. However, it also wasn’t a rainy day. It was one of those days where the sky is overcast by low, thick clouds so it seems as though someone’s painted the sky grey. The park was mostly deserted on this with only a couple early morning joggers populating it. This included Gabriel who was a firm believer in exercise at ungodly times of day. He was happily hammering along the footpath, earphones in and mind blissfully clear. His only thoughts consisting of the rhythm of his breath and feat. Hit, hit, inhale, hit, hit, exhale. The air was sharp against his throat and sweat oozed from his body. He could feel it even on his eyelids when he blinked. His muscles trembled and ached and he could feel a blister developing on his inner foot. Never the less, Gabriel was the happiest he’d been in a long time. There was a simplicity to jogging, easily defined goals and a peace of mind. All he could think about was how much he longed for a hot shower.

‘I thought you’d be here.’ At first Gabriel doesn’t register the voice, assuming that the person sprawled on the park bench is talking to someone else. Who else, Gabriel was uncertain but when you’re tired, your brain doesn’t properly work and foolish assumptions are made. So, Gabriel ran straight past the speaker causing them to call derisively after him. ‘I didn’t realise you were deaf as well as brainless.’

This finally got Gabriel’s attention and he turned around to see Bee eyeing him with disinterest. He then made a valiant effort to not be surprised. He couldn’t deny the fact that seeing Bee here was unsettling him. Jogging in the park was his place, where he could exist privately without anyone’s expectations and now Bee was here, invading that sanctuary. It was throwing him off guard. ‘What in the name of the Lord, are you doing here?’

‘I’m here because of your plan.’ She said, taking a sip out of a flask. Gabriel shuddered to think what was in it.[1]

Gabriel scowled, still annoyed at her intrusion. ‘I don’t see Ezra and Crowley here, now do I? So, there was no reason for you to interrupt my health regime. Actually,’ the thought just occurring to him, ‘how did you even know I was here?’

‘Dagon.’ She said simply.

‘Dagon?’ Gabriel arched an eyebrow. ‘Do I get any other explanation from the great Bee Zebub?’

‘Sit down,’ she commanded while rootling about in her bag. Gabriel seethed. He was not going to take commands from this impertinent little girl. Said impertinent little girl looked up from her bag and gave him a withering glare. So, he did sit down beside her but grumbled all the while. ‘Something I doubt you know about Dagon,’ she said, returning to her bag, ‘is that she loves files.’

‘Files?’ Okay, weird hobby but why not? Sandalphon had a collection of gold teeth. [2] ‘Does she jus like filing or something?’

‘No, well she does like filing actually but that’s not important. What is important is this,’ and Bee finally turned away from her bag, pulling out a black folder. She passed it to Gabriel who stared at it. On the cover was stamped “Anthony J. Crowley”. ‘Dagon loves making files on people. I reckon she’s got one on almost everyone in the school.’ Gabriel suspected that he could hear the faint note of pride in her voice. He opened the folder and flicked through the pages. There was quite a large collection of photos and detailed notes on Crowley’s behaviour patterns and routines. Gabriel had to admit he was quite confused by “7:38 AM: Scream at potted plants” but decided not to look to far into it. It was simply more evidence to support his argument that he did not deserve Ezra.

‘You finished looking?’ Bee’s voice cut into his ruminations.

‘Yes, this is weirdly detailed… and invasive.’ Gabriel glanced down at what seemed to be a photo from a security camera. ‘and possibly illegal.’

‘That’s Dagon.’ Bee shrugged.

‘Wait, does Dagon have a file on me?’ Gabriel asked, suddenly horrified.

‘Yes.’ Bee said easily. ‘It’s how I knew to find you here.’

‘That’s err….’ Gabriel said intelligently while his brain exploded. He hoped, he really hoped, that the only reason Crowley’s file was so detailed was because Dagon was his friend and not that all of Dagon’s files were like …. This. He really didn’t want to think about just what pictures of him were in Dagon’s possession and what personal knowledge. ‘How does she… know all this?’

‘Dagon has her ways,’ that was definitely pride. Made sense considering the fact they were dating. [3] Still, he couldn’t help but remain deeply unsettled. ‘Anyway,’ Bee continued, ‘you give that file back to Dagon this evening. I’m being nice [4] and letting you keep it all day, learn all you want about Crowley. Now, you tell me about Ezra.’

‘What not got a file on him?’ Gabriel asked waspishly.

Bee blinked slowly at him. ‘No.’

‘Why not?’ A part of Gabriel wondered why he was complaining about Bee’s gang not having a highly detailed folder on his younger brother, but the rest of Gabriel just wanted to argue with Bee. What could he say? He was tired and sweaty and insulted by the idea of Dagon’s folder on him.

Bee shrugged, ‘He flew under the radar.’ She seemed to be starting to get annoyed. Well, more annoyed than her default annoyance. ‘Szo I’m relying on you to actually be useful for once.’ Gabriel noticed that her voice did something odd when she said that sentence. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but it was different from its typical precise diction.

‘Well, um, right Ezra. Well.’ Gabriel exhaled and glanced around the park as though seeking inspiration. It was hard to describe someone you knew so well. ‘He’s very nice but very naïve. Trusts everyone, very generous. He likes food, probably too much. He doesn’t really keep his body in good condition. Massive sweet tooth, loves cake and crepes and sushi—’

‘That’s not a sweet food.’ Bee interjected.

‘I know, but he really likes the stuff. He also loves books and reading. Especially old books. When we go up to London, he always drags us off to weird second-hand bookshops. I.. don’t really understand it but he loves them. Got a collection of old Bibles under his bed.’ Bee placed her head in one hand, cocked to the side and listened to Gabriel talk. It was weird to see him talk so openly about someone he loved. There was a certain peace between the pair in the morning gloom and still, chilled air as Gabriel talked about his brother and Bee just listened patiently. Once Gabriel had exhausted himself, Bee spoke about Crowley. Bluntly. Without as much affection. But she had a certain fondness for him. It surprised Gabriel. He hadn’t really thought that lot had much fondness for each other. It was… surprising.

It was later. Gabriel had gotten his desired shower and had dutifully completed his homework. He had several tests coming up and he really ought to study for them but his eye was drawn to Crowley’s folder. Well, he was supposed to read it according to Bee. He opened it and began looking through it more closely. The most disturbing thing in the folder were probably the printed screenshots of his text conversations. Gabriel really didn’t want to know just how Dagon Lovecraft had acquired those. His heart fell when he found a brief snippet of texts between Crowley and Ezra.

** Crowley: but like an apple**

** Crowley: an apple **

**Crowley: like ????? **

**Ezra: Actually, the actual Forbidden Fruit is highly debated by experts. It probably wasn’t an apple actually but it may have been a fig, or a pomegranate or, even some wheat. The idea of the apple came from a mistranslation of the Latin word “malum”. **

**Crowley: THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE **

**Crowley: WHY WOULD ANYONE GIVE ETERNAL PARADISE FOR A FUCKING FIG!!!!! **

Gabriel stared at the conversation. It was bizarre. Crowley was weird and he was dragging Ezra into strange conversations that he was obviously uncomfortable with. He clearly didn’t want to talk about the Forbidden Fruit and the Garden of Eden. Crowley wasn’t respecting Ezra’s interests, the fiend! Gabriel seethed self-righteously for a few minutes before moving on. There was a neatly typed out personality profile. It mostly covered everything Bee had already told him but there were still some interesting elements. _“Crowley has a quite brilliant mind. Highly creative, he lacks the motivation to achieve much beyond petty annoyances. His temperament is defensive and dismissive, presumably as a defence mechanism and keep people at a distance. However, he still craves intimacy and affection. It’s an interesting contradiction.”_ Look of that, how unsuited Crowley was to a relationship at all, let alone be in a relationship with Ezra. Gabriel turned the page to reveal a candid picture of Crowley, a careless smirk. He felt rage burn in his chest. ‘I hate you.’

There was a knock on his door and Ezra poked his head in as Gabriel slammed the folder shut. ‘Gabriel, I just wanted to inform you that I’m going out now to meet some friends. Could you tell Mum when she gets home?’

Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. ‘What friends?’

Ezra shifted uncomfortably, averting his eyes. ‘I… I have friends.’

‘Sure,’ Gabriel stared at Ezra. He was definitely going to meet Crowley. Unfortunately, he couldn’t think of any good excuse to keep him from leaving so Gabriel settled on the tried and true guilt trip. ‘Do you really need to? It’s getting late and you wouldn’t want to just leave Mum on her own tonight?’

‘I thought, I thought that you’ll be home and Mum only comes back late anyway and I could be back soon.’ Ezra stammered.

Gabriel clucked disapprovingly. ‘I have to go out and give this,’ he vaguely gestured at the folder, ‘back to Michael now. But sure, you can go out. Have all the fun you want for yourself.’

‘No,’ Ezra muttered, ‘it’s okay. I can just stay home.’ Gabriel stood and quickly put the folder into a satchel that he slung over his shoulder. ‘Thanks Ezra. You’re a good brother.’ Ezra gave him a quick, small smile before retreating to his room.

Gabriel left the house swinging his keys and whistling as he passed underneath Ezra’s window. If he’d looked in the right place, he would’ve seen Crowley perched behind a car, staring up into the window talking into his phone. But Gabriel generally doesn’t see things he doesn’t want to, so he walked straight past Crowley’s hiding spot.

Now, where to find Dagon Lovecraft? This would be a challenge as Gabriel, unlike Dagon, did not catalogue the movements of other students. The Legion of Hell did have a few places they hung around; Gabriel was aware. Those were the areas that Uriel warned her younger siblings to stay away from. So, it shouldn’t be too hard.

Except it was hard. No matter how many weird alleys and areas under bridges he checked, Gabriel couldn’t find hide nor hair of her. He hadn’t even seen any of the others that Dagon and Bee hung around with. [5] He had the feeling that Bee was laughing at his expense somewhere. In sheer frustration he thought about just angrily phoning Bee and asking her where Dagon was. Then he realised he didn’t have her phone number. That was the point that he started to get really annoyed. Bee had set him up on the fool’s errand on purpose just to leave him frustrated and lost. Why had he not thought through her “nice” action [6] and seen her intentions. Her intentions being to vex him! He could always ask Michael for her number or better yet, Dagon’s number. But that would mean admitting that he was associating with that lot. It would ruin him. Michael would never let him go and would definitely tell Uriel who would tell Sandalphon who would tell everyone in existence. So, that option was out, leaving him with… no options. This was infuriating!

Gabriel collapsed onto a nearby bench in frustration. What was he doing? Why was he fraternising with people he didn’t like or respect to what? Break a relationship he disapproved of because it caused Ezra to associate with one of these people. Was he being a hypocrite? No, no he couldn’t be a hypocrite. Afterall he and Bee didn’t like each other; they were both using the other. He wasn’t being manipulated (except for just right now) and he didn’t care about Bee so he couldn’t get hurt by her wiles, not like that evil Crowley.

‘Okay, why are you sitting outside my house?’ A voice rasped. Gabriel stared up to see the pinched face and unpleasant skin condition of Dagon Lovecraft.

‘Ah ha, you!’ Gabriel said in delight, his quandary serendipitously solved. ‘I was searching for you.’

‘Bee told me you had one of my files.’ She gave him a look as though he’d personally stolen her children.

‘Yes, she gave it to me.’ He pulled out the folder and passed it to her. She gave him a weird look but upon seeing the folder was immediately distracted. She snatched it from his hand so fast the metal grazed his skin. She examined it thoroughly, paging through it and taking an inventory of its contents. Gabriel had the distinct impression that if she’d found any page bent or missing, he would’ve been pronounced vanished under mysterious circumstances. As it was, Dagon packed away the folder with reverence. She then looked back at him with a glare.

‘Listen,’ Gabriel said placatingly (condescendingly) ‘this was Bee’s idea. I had nothing to do it. If you have a problem, take it up with her.’

Dagon’s eyes narrowed. ‘Her?’

‘Bee, obviously.’ Gabriel rolled his eyes. God, she was dim.

‘Fuck you.’ Dagon snarled. ‘I knew you were a wanker but fucking hell, you deliberately misgender them too?’

‘Wait, what?’ This anger had just come out of nowhere. He hadn’t even damaged Dagon’s stupid file. ‘There’s no reason for you to be mad at me.’

‘I’m going to ask you an easy question.’ Dagon growled. ‘What gender is Bee?’

‘What kind of a question is that? She’s a girl obviously. Unless I seriously missed something—’

‘Yeah, you did miss something, wank-wings’ ‘-what kind of a name is that?’ Gabriel muttered. ‘Bee isn’t a girl or a woman or even a boy. They’re neither. Non-binary. I don’t even know how you can miss it!’

Gabriel was starting to lose his temper. He didn’t have to put up with this insolence. ‘I don’t even know what that is! And if it’s important, then why didn’t she tell me?’

‘They. It’s they! Holy shit.’ Dagon whirled away. ‘I’m going inside and you better bugger off or I’ll make you wish you’d never been born.’ She stomped into the nearby house, slamming the door shut behind her. Gabriel picked up a discarded newspaper and threw it at the house in anger. It limply fell to the ground and he stormed off.

He didn’t understand what had just happened. Instinctively he wanted to just chalk it up to Dagon being weird but he felt like he couldn’t. There was some issue there. He hadn’t made mistake. Gabriel didn’t make mistakes. But there had been some kind of misunderstanding. Non-binary. What was that? How can someone not be a girl or a boy? He’d knew about the transgender thing, where a boy became a girl but “they”? No, that wasn’t something he knew or understood. If it was important why didn’t Bee mention it to him? Why would someone choose to not be a girl or boy?

This whole thing didn’t make sense but it would. He was going to solve the mystery of Bee while working with her (them?) to break up Ezra and Crowley. It would be his secret, secret mission.

[1] It was Bee’s personal coffee blend. Once Hastur’s frog drunk some and immediately keeled over and died. Anyone else who tried to drink it will immediately spit it out. It’s been theorised that Bee’s coffee contains elements not on the periodic table, or at the very least sulphur. This was why if anyone asked Bee what was in their flask, they would’ve claimed it was alcohol. Far less explanation required.

[2] One of the many reasons no one likes Sandalphon

[3] Fun Fact: They weren’t dating. Follow up Fun Fact: Gabriel has no idea what his peers do.

[4] This was a rarity

[5] Except for Crowley but even then, Gabriel just did not register his existence.

[6] As mentioned, Bee being nice is a rarity and not one Gabriel has experienced yet. Just sometimes their asreholy nature wasn’t immediately obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta admit, this chapter feels very allover the place, which is very common for me. Oh well.  
Edit: Came across a couple typos that needed to be fixed. Chapter 3 got deleted so I have rewrite and *very deep sigh*, yeah that's gonna take awhile.


	3. Chapter 3

Michael Angel, noted gossip had been intending on spending lunch in contact with one of her… informants. She had a notebook and pencil at the ready to record all information, no matter how minor, and was waiting in a rather out of the way corner of the building. Not noticeably out of the way so that anyone would be suspicious but hidden enough that it was unlikely for anyone to spot her consorting with Ligur. It was fool-proof plan. Uriel had chess club that met every Monday lunchtime [1] and Sandalphon had to write an essay that he’d forgotten about, even being in sixth form wasn’t enough to make him organised. It was a perfect plan with one flaw.

‘Michael! Excellent, I wanted to talk to you.’

Michael looked up from her notes to see Gabriel beaming at her. ‘Gabriel.’

‘Michael! I do hope I am not interrupting anything but I wished to speak with you.’ Gabriel said.

‘I thought you were busy today.’ Michael queried.

‘Oh well, you know.’ Gabriel waved a hand dismissively. ‘Things happen, plans change. Anyway, I wanted to… ask for your expertise.’ Gabriel could admit to himself that whenever he didn’t understand something, odds are that Michael would. Of course, the reverse was true. Gabriel was an expert in many things and he took great pleasure to explain to his comrades. However, this wasn’t one of those times, so he would happily[2] bow to Michael’s superior knowledge. 

‘My expertise on which topic precisely?’ Michael asked levelly.

‘What is a non-binary?’

Michael blinked. Whatever she’d been expecting this was not it. ‘It’s about gender.’

‘Yes, yes. I know that much.’ Gabriel said, annoyed. ‘But what is it?’

‘Well, um,’ she started. ‘It all comes from the idea that gender is a spectrum. So, one end is female and the other end is male but there’s still all this… in between gender.’ Michael pulled a page towards her and dug out a red pen and a blue pen. She quickly scribbled out a spectrum with the blue and red meeting in the middle and blending. Well, blending as well as pens can which wasn’t much but Michael was working with what she had, sue her. 

‘But you can’t get born in between male and female, or is this to do with the whole “I feel like a different gender” thing.’ Gabriel pointed at it accusingly. 

‘Gender identity.’ Michael corrected patiently. 

‘Yes! That.’ Gabriel seemed very proud of himself for vaguely remembering the concept. ‘But how can you feel like you’re in between? I mean at least with transgenders they’re just choosing the other option. It makes sense.’

‘Well, I’m not trans so I don’t know but there are people who feel that way.’ Michael sighed and fixed a bit of hair that had fallen out of its bun. ‘Some people just don’t feel like they belong on either end of the spectrum and the middle suits them best. Or they might be more on one end than the other but that doesn’t make them that gender. Or they could change where on the spectrum they are depending on how they’re feeling that day.’

‘I… I still don’t think I understand why anyone would choose to be in the middle.’ Gabriel tried to express some of his confusion.

‘Remember, it’s not a choice. That’s their identity.’ Michael paused. ‘And… and I’m not sure you can fully understand how people feel like that if you’ve never had those feelings so, maybe, you can’t fully understand but….’ She trailed off, uncertain.

‘So,’ Gabriel was determined to understand this. ‘for people in the middle,’ he tapped the pen spectrum, ‘because they feel like they’re not a man or a woman, they don’t like being called “he” or “she”’

‘Yes.’ Michael replied. The pair lapsed into silence. Gabriel seemed to be staring out into nothing while Michael fiddled with her pens. 

‘I don’t think I fully understand.’ Gabriel said quietly, unsure. Michael said nothing but placed a hand on his shoulder. Gabriel was fond of Michael. She acted like a big sister to him, which was rather ridiculous considering she was only a little older than him. But it was nice that he could be uncertain with her. ‘But thank you for helping explain it more.’

‘Hmm,’ Michael hummed. ‘Just remember you don’t have to understand something to respect it.’ 

Two boys were leaning against the fence surrounding the pond in the park. The taller was lounging and watching the shorter one blush. 

‘Did you go out and buy a baguette?’

‘Well, yes, I just feel that they deserve some luxury too… and I like it too.’ The last bit comes out mumbled. 

‘Oh, so is this just a ploy for you to eat fancy bread.’ The taller one leaned his head back in amusement. 

‘No! Anyway, you only bring slice pan.’ The shorter one was derisive and turned away. Only to turn back to see the taller one pulling out brioche. ‘Oh, Crowley. That’s so sweet of you.’

‘Yeah, well. I know you like it, angel.’ Crowley tried to sound smooth as he offered the bread. The other boy took it and leaned in to give Crowley a small kiss on the cheek. Crowley’s face burnt and he grinned in a manner that could be described as goofy. 

‘That’s disgusting.’

Gabriel turned to look at Bee. He-Their expression was mostly hidden behind the sunglasses they’d donned as a part of their disguise, but Gabriel could still see their distaste. While he too, was disgusted by the couple in front of them, he also felt a little embarrassed. Upon arriving at the park to spy on the lovebirds, Bee had forced him into an ungodly hoodie and taken his scarf. Apparently, they needed to be in disguise, which yes Gabriel could see the benefits but still… he liked his scarf and it was weird seeing around Bee’s neck. S-They said they needed it because they gave Gabriel their hoodie and they were not “going to freeze their balls just ‘cos Gabriel was an idiot”. 

‘I hate it when people act too couple-y.’ Bee continued. Gabriel nodded solemnly in agreement. ‘Makes me want to stab them.’

Gabriel stared at her- at them. ‘I’m sorry? It makes you want to what?’

‘Commit murder.’

‘Oh,’ Gabriel said faintly, wondering what exactly he’d gotten himself into. ‘how nice.’

Meanwhile Crowley was making a pantomime out of tearing off different pieces of bread to feed the ducks while Ezra haphazardly threw bread in and every other piece ended up in his mouth rather than the ducks. Crowley seemed to get the idea to try to put the bread straight into the ducks’ mouth and began to lean precariously over the pond. 

‘He’s very intelligent.’ Gabriel admitted, begrudgingly.

‘Pfffft,’ Bee spluttered in laughter. ‘Crowley? Intelligent? Boy’s a dumbass.’

‘He’s very manipulative too.’

‘Look,’ Bee giggled. ‘once Crowley decided the best way to get out of a spot of trouble was to dress up a mannequin as a person and do silly voices to convince the headmistress that he was relevant or something, to not expel him.’

‘Yes, but did it work?’ Gabriel pressed, determined to have Bee realise Crowley’s criminal mastermind nature.

‘You what?’

‘Did Crowley’s plan work?’

Bee leaned back in their chair and stared over at Crowley in dawning comprehension. ‘Son of a bitch... The bastard’s been holding out on me.’ Over by the pond Ezra had to yank Crowley back from the water as gravity had decided to take over. He landed with a faint yelp on top of his boyfriend. 

‘But what about Ezra?’

‘What about him?’

‘Is there any special intelligence to him?’ Bee said vaguely, expecting some kind of glowing report. 

‘Oh no, not at all. Perfectly normal. Nothing unusual.’ Gabriel said dismissing the notion easily.

‘I mean he’s dating Crowley, that’s not exactly what one calls normal.’ Bee muttered.

‘I thought Crowley was your friend?’ Gabriel asked. He knew why he hated Crowley and it made sense, Crowley was preying on his hapless brother and was the embodiment of all evil, but he’d rather thought that Bee at least tolerated him.

‘He’s more like … my appendix,’ Bee decided. ‘Difficult to get rid off and a pain in the arse.’

‘That’s not where the appendix is.’ Gabriel, ever happy to teach, explained.

‘Wow. Thank you for your enlightenment.’ Bee’s sarcasm could’ve etched stone. There was a pause in the conversation before Bee continued. ‘You’ve not got anything to say about Ezra?’

Gabriel shifted in annoyance. ‘I know Ezra and I know that there’s no heinous elements to him.’

‘That’s not what I asked. I asked if Ezra might be cleverer than you might think.’ They said. ‘Maybe you’re underestimating him.’

‘Why do you even care?’ Gabriel snapped back, defensive. ‘Ezra’s nothing to you.’

‘I like to know my enemies.’ Bee leaned forwards, resting he-their head on their hands and staring over at their enemies. [3] 

Gabriel had to admit that Bee’s probe was making him uncomfortable. They were making him question his view on his brother. He knew everything about Ezra and he had a totally accurate view of his character. Definitely. And with this knowledge he could tell that this so-called relationship was only making him miserable. He stared at Crowley leaning in to kiss Ezra whose face flushed with embarrassment. [4]

‘Don’t you think—’ Gabriel turned to Bee but stopped when he saw their face. It was still mostly hidden but it seemed strangely… soft. When they noticed him looking at them, Bee quickly sneered. ‘There’s no need for them to be so affectionate. It’s just showing off’

‘Oh yes,’ Gabriel agreed, ‘it’s all “look at me, I’m in a relationship. Feel bad single people.” Which-which I never do because I am not ashamed of being single. I am perfectly happy outside a relationship. It’s better even. I have more time to myself.’ Gabriel really hoped he sounded convincing. He glanced at Bee and suddenly remembered with the force of a truck hitting a brick wall that they were dating Dagon. Shit.

‘You’ve never dated anyone have you Gabriel?’ Bee said casually then amended. ‘You know what, why am I asking? Of course, you haven’t.’

‘I have actually.’ Gabriel said primly, drawing himself up and smiling at Bee. He didn’t mention that it was back in Year 8 [5] and he and Uriel had only dated for two months. 

‘Oh?’ Bee seemed interested although it was probably just to have something to discuss to alleviate the boredom of watching two people for hours. 

‘I-I don’t see how it’s relevant. I haven’t asked you about your relationship.’ Gabriel shot back; he didn’t really want to go into his past love life. It was depressingly sparse. 

‘Szzhut it!’ Bee snapped. He-their voice did that thing again. Gabriel swore it sounded rather off but decided to not bring it up now. 

‘Then don’t go asking about me. Fair’s fair.’ Gabriel said snootily.

They went back to sitting to in silence. Gabriel tried to watch Ezra and Crowley closely but was oddly distracted. It was rather infuriating how, no matter how hard he tried to focus, he just couldn’t settle down to observe. Bee had really ruffled his feathers and Gabriel had to presume it was mutual, considering how they were picking at their scabs uncomfortably. 

‘Dagon and I aren’t dating.’ 

Gabriel turned to his companion. ‘What?’

Bee looking deeply unwilling, continued. ‘We broke up a couple weeks ago.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry you got dumped.’ Gabriel tried for reassuring and failed miserably.

‘I did not get dumped.’ Bee snarled. ‘It just didn’t work out between us.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Gabriel tried again. ‘That must’ve been hard?’ He hadn’t meant to frame it as a question but he felt very out of his depth.

‘Don’t be,’ they replied dully. ‘I’m only telling you because everyone already knows and it’s embarrassing how unaware you are.’

‘I am highly observant!’

‘That why you had to have someone tell you, your brother’s dating someone?’ Bee snarked.

Gabriel seethed silently as Bee seemed to become more reflective. ‘She just never talked to me normally. Treated me like I was like her bloody boss or something. I couldn’t treat her like an equal when she did that.’ They muttered, talking to themselves, Gabriel being incidental. ‘There was just something missing.’   
Gabriel put his hand on their shoulder in solidarity. They tensed, as though they were expecting an attack. ‘I don’t really know what that’s like but I’m sure it was hard. After all, she’s still your friend so you liked it just wasn’t…. right.’ Gabriel felt Bee relax under his hand.

They looked over at him, face inscrutable before suddenly spotting the notable absence of their quarry. ‘They’re gone!’

Gabriel whipped his head over to where Crowley and Ezra had been which was now distinctly empty. If Gabriel was uncivilised, he would’ve sworn. As he was a proper young lad, he left that duty to Bee. [6] 

‘We won’t be able to find them again.’

‘Agreed.’

Bee swore again, then made to get up and leave. Gabriel looked over at them. ‘Are you going so soon?’

‘Well… yeah?’ Bee gave him what was probably a confused look. ‘Bye.’

‘Wait,’ Gabriel stood and caught their arm. They whipped around; hand ready to hit him before Gabriel quickly continued. ‘I need your mobile number. Just so we can coordinate better.’

Bee glared at him and for a moment he thought he was going to have to duck but then sh-they pulled out a Nokia, that honestly ought to be in a history museum, and passed it to Gabriel. He quickly put his number into the mobile and passed it back. ‘Thank you, shall I give you mine?’

‘Nah,’ Bee pocketed the relic. ‘I already have it.’ Gabriel raised an eyebrow at that but before he could say anything, Bee cut him off. ‘Dagon had it in your folder.’ Once again Gabriel decided that he should be very scared of Dagon. ‘Anyway, I’m off. Hope you get hit by a bus or something.’ They stalked off.

‘Farewell. I hope you have a simply delightful day!’ Gabriel called. Bee spun around gave him a reverse V-sign [7] and Gabriel gave a mock-gasp. He could’ve sworn he heard them chuckle. Gabriel watched their diminishing figure. 

They really did intrigue Gabriel. He could admit that to himself. 

[1] Chess club was only five people who were far too dedicated to the club and passionate about chess, as is the fate of all lunchtime clubs.   
[2] And by happily, he meant begrudgingly   
[3] Said enemies were currently freaking out as a swan had come waddling over. Crowley was frantically swearing at it while Ezra backed away slowly, keeping a firm grip on his baguette.   
[4] This was a celebration of Crowley’s victory over the swan and no, Ezra was not blushing out of embarrassment but we’ll have to forgive Gabriel. He’s rather sheltered.   
[5] For the Americans in the audience, that’s eighth grade.   
[6] Probably for the best, Bee had a far more luminous vocabulary.   
[7] This is a legit explanation of what that sign is. It’s a backward peace-sign and it’s really rude in the UK. It’s an equivalent of the middle finger. Its origins are really interesting. In the hundred years war, the French would capture English archers and cut off the first and middle fingers (or cut the tendons) thus they couldn’t use a bow anymore. So, archers who were still active would show off those fingers as a fuck you to the French. And then it just took off. (This is actually debated but I like this origin to it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact about me; I have the worst work ethic. I will not be updating regularly or (sadly) quickly. Sorry, I know how frustrating this is, I've been on the other side of this plenty of times and I know it's the worst.   
On a more fun note, I ended researching both the British AND American school systems. Boy, I love living in a country nothing is set in!


	4. Chapter 4

There was something rather terrifying about having Bee’s number, Gabriel decided. He kept checking his mobile to ensure that they hadn’t left him any texts. He didn’t imagine s-they would take kindly to a slow response. But there was also something almost exciting about it. Gabriel wondered if this was how foreign spies felt when they were forced to collaborate. Because that was all this was, collaboration. Definitely. And they did text him occasionally in non-spying matters. Mostly it was just to bitch about their friends [1].

  
**Bee: sometimes i forget y i hate Crowley**

  
** Bee: but then he does something like send out a email to everyone**

  
** Bee: marked as Urgent with its contents only being**

  
** Bee: i am back on my bullshit**

  
** Bee: and when i ask him thr fuck was that about**

  
** Bee: he just says that the people needed to know**

  
** Bee: WHAT PEOPLE?????**

  
** Gabriel: I hear you, the man is a menace, a true demon, the evil that haunts our town.**

  
** Bee: Oi im the evil that haunts this town**

  
Gabriel smiled at that and quickly sent back an agreement.

  
‘You seem in a good mood.’ Sandalphon said, jerking Gabriel back into reality. Sandalphon and Uriel were both looking at him. Their teacher hadn’t noticed his distraction and had, admittedly an orgy could’ve started in Mr. Shadwell’s class and he’d only stop it if someone had more than two nipples. ‘I was just surprised,’ Sandalphon continued, ‘because of that whole business with your brother and Cro-ow!’ Sandalphon hissed as Uriel violently kicked him under their desks. Gabriel magnanimously decided to ignore this violence.

  
‘As unfortunate as Ezra and that one’s association is, I have faith that it shall soon end.’ Gabriel said primly. ‘As to why I am in such a delightful mood, I suppose it is just sheer awe at the wonder of God’s creations.’

  
This convinced neither of his friends, who just exchanged Looks [2] but thankfully let it be. Uriel leaned in with a conversation topic change. ‘So Gabriel, you are going to come to my eighteenth, right?’

  
Gabriel blinked up at her. ‘Did I not say yes?’

  
‘No, you never responded.’ Uriel stated. While she sounded perfectly neutral, Gabriel could hear the annoyance in her voice.

  
‘Right, right. It would be my pleasure to attend your birthday celebration.’ Gabriel trilled to cover up his embarrassment. He’d seen Uriel’s text to him but had forgotten to reply. It was rather humiliating, especially as this had occurred several days ago. He supposed he had been distracted from his friends. His phone buzzed again.

  
**Bee: do u ever just see someone and kno ull hate them? like they dont even say anything but ur just like shut ur trap**

  
** Gabriel: I understand that sentiment. Sometimes I just want to tell people to shut it and die already.**

  
** Bee: ooooooooo dark didnt think u had it in u**

  
Gabriel giggled quietly. Uriel and Sandalphon exchanged Looks again. Uriel cleared her throat. ‘Gabriel, you know you can bring a plus one to my party, right?’

  
Gabriel glanced up at her, sharply. ‘I know but how is that relevant? All my favourite friends will be there already.’ Sandalphon had to physically restrain himself from pointing out that Gabriel generally didn’t giggle when texting any of “his favourite friends”. He really didn’t want to Uriel to kick him again.

‘Just if you want to invite whoever you’re texting….’ Uriel trailed off; her implication clear.

Gabriel gave a quick snort that was only slightly forced. ‘Somehow I don’t think it’d be their kind of place.’

  
‘It was only a suggestion.’ Uriel muttered. Gabriel’s phone binged again and Uriel rolled her eyes. ‘Well, go ahead. I know you want to look.’ A part of Gabriel wanted to ignore the message just to prove a point to Uriel but then it binged again.

  
**Bee: btw I just heard that C and E are going to the cinema 2night**

  
** Bee: im thinkning we do a stakeout meet at 6?**

  
** Gabriel hummed gently under his breath. They did need more observations.**

  
** Gabriel: It’s a plan. See you then!**

Behind him Uriel and Sandalphon continued their exchange of Looks.

Gabriel had to admit that he felt incredibly uncomfortable simply waiting in the cinema’s lobby. He hadn’t seen any sign of Bee or their quarry. There was something rather humiliating about standing awkwardly while couples and groups of friends streamed by, like a stone thrown in a shallow stream. He just couldn’t get the hang of this loitering and vaguely wondered how Bee and he-their lot could do it constantly. He felt as though everyone was watching him, wondering why he was just standing around. Maybe they thought he had no friends or that he’d been stood up, which was ridiculous as anyone he deemed to go on a date with would be so flattered that of course they’d show up. In fact, that was the case most of the time, people always just showed up. Why wouldn’t they? Oh Lord, they were probably looking at his clothes. What had he been thinking wearing a hoodie? Yes, he owned one but God, he was remembering why he never wore it. It felt so distinctly not him, leaving him feeling big and clunky. A feeling his typical wear would never cause. How long had he been standing there? Maybe he should walk over to the digital ticket stand? Just for something to do.

  
He glanced over at the clock over the glass doors. It was ten past six. That was late. That was very late. Maybe Bee wasn’t coming. Gabriel had been here twenty minutes now. A logical part of Gabriel’s mind pointed out that half of that time was because Gabriel had arrived early. The he saw through the glass a white jumper accompanied by a shock of blonde hair. The door was opened and Ezra stepped through, thanking Crowley’s arm. Gabriel frantically pulled out his phone and pretended to text. He watched them intently as they walked up to one of the bored teenagers who had been sentenced to working the desk on a Thursday. They seemed to get into a small argument and Gabriel’s heart swelled with conflicting emotions. Delight at the fractures in their relationship, easy for exploiting, but also anger at Crowley daring to bicker with his brother, obviously the prelude to something more sinister.

  
‘Crowley I can pay,’ Ezra’s voice was just audible through the general hubbub. ‘I want to treat you.’

  
‘Well, can I tempt you to some popcorn then?’ Crowley countered, flashing his wallet.

  
Ezra looked slightly conflicted before smiling warmly at him. ‘Consider me tempted.’

  
The employee obediently handed over two tickets and a large container of popcorn. The pair walked over to the doors, passing by Gabriel who looked straight down in the hopes they wouldn’t notice. [3] Gabriel stared after them as Crowley gallantly held open the door to allow Ezra safe passage inside. Crowley then eagerly followed, a truly nefarious grin on his face. Gabriel could feel his blood boiling again and was getting ready for a long internal tirade against the hooligan when Bee suddenly appeared beside him.

  
They were slurping an absolutely vile-looking, blue drink through a straw and were wearing a gaudy blonde wig. The wig along with the glassless glasses and long coat were such an effective disguise that Gabriel probably wouldn’t have realised who they were if it wasn’t for their now familiar look of amusement at his expense. ‘You don’t half look suspicious. Like you’re from Belfast or something.’ Gabriel gave Bee a look of disappointment at their distasteful joke. They just grinned more. ‘God, you’re easy to wind up.’

  
Gabriel rolled his shoulders back as a physical method of unruffling his feathers. ‘Hello to you too, Bee.’ He said calmly and with great grace. ‘You’re late.’

  
‘Nah, been over there,’ they angled their head over to where a couple of chairs and tables were haphazardly spread about to give the illusion that the reception was a welcoming waiting area. ‘Wanted to see if you could spot me.’

  
‘Bee Elle Zebub, master of disguise?’ Gabriel asked, amused.

  
‘Yep, that’s me.’ They said with ironic pride. They had a small smile on their face, nothing more than a slight turn upwards of their lips but Gabriel felt totally taken aback by it. It jarred with their typical indifference or derision. He felt like they were sharing a joke together rather than Bee laughing at him. It felt like a rare occurrence and he, honestly, felt rather flattered.

  
Suddenly he realised that he was staring, Awkwardly, he cleared his throat. ‘Um, yes, well,’ His mind frantically sought a new conversation topic. ‘Ezra and Crowley went in there.’ He pointed at the nearest theatre.

  
Bee appraised it. ‘Right, we are not going in there.’

  
‘What?’

  
‘I am not going to watch’ they squinted to read the sign over the door, ‘“_The Hole in my Heart_”.’

  
‘We need to continue our reconnaissance.’ Gabriel insisted.

  
‘We aren’t going to be able to see anything in there, will we?’ Bee pointed out. ‘Instead we’ll have to suffer through a _rom-com_[4]. An archery themed rom-com. So, we’ll go see some other, shorter movie then stalk them after they’re done with their movie.’

  
Gabriel glanced around the cinema. It was a slow night with not many films showing. ‘What would we even watch?’

  
Bee got a rather nasty smile on their face. ‘Oh, I got an idea.’

  
An hour later, Gabriel was regretting his association with Bee. He squealed again as the masked murderer suddenly appeared. Thankfully his very manly surprise was disguised by the heroine’s scream and Bee’s chuckles. Gabriel turned to stare at them in fear. They had a grin on their face and was idly snacking on the large popcorn they’d bought. “Bought with his money.” Gabriel thought sourly. He’d lent Bee his debit card to buy tickets to some random film to kill time, they’d taken this as an excuse to take him off to a horror film with a host of snacks.

  
Gabriel gasped as an ax buried itself in the murderer to no effect. The thing’s head began to spin. The on-screen characters screamed as the villain tore forward into a woman. Gabriel grabbed the nearest solid object in a panic. The primal part of his brain took over and he clung on as though the arm he was holding could provide protection. He felt something awkwardly pat his head and he had to keep in a scream before realising that it was Bee’s other hand patting him on the head. The rest of his mind caught up with what was going on and helpfully pointed out that Gabriel was probably stopping blood circulation in Bee’s arm. He made a move to let go but just then a knife slit a throat and blood sputtered everywhere and Gabriel was back in the throws of fear. Besides, Bee hadn’t tired to move when he first grabbed them. They were probably just as scared.

  
The movie continued in an agonisingly, detailed manner until the credits began and lights began to softly light up the theatre. Gabriel realised that he was still holding Bee’s hand and quickly let go. They gave him an amused look. ‘Not a horror fan then?’

  
Gabriel tried to puff up his chest and power through his embarrassment with bravado but then quailed under Bee’s raised eyebrow. ‘It was… an instructive experience.’

  
‘It wasn’t even good horror. Was funny more than anything.’ Bee said dismissively. They then gave Gabriel a once over. ‘You should probably go home, you’re as white as a sheet.’

‘I am perfectly functional.’ Gabriel preened. The effect was rather undercut by the way his voice broke on the last word.

  
‘Sure you are, butterfly.’ Bee said taking his arm and pulling him out of the cinema.

  
‘Why butterfly?’ Gabriel asked to distract from the all the shadows outside the building. There were so many hiding spots. Anything could be out there.

  
‘I dunno.’ Bee shrugged. ‘Fits. You’re delicate… useless… pretty…’

  
‘You think I’m pretty?’ Gabriel asked, face lighting up.

  
‘…and completely lacking in intelligence.’ Bee finished. ‘C’mon, I’ll walk you home, you’ll probably get hit by a bus while running away from a cat or something.’ They set off, still pulling Gabriel behind him. He was rather grateful for the help. Everything did suddenly seem so much more dangerous and he was rather scared so yes, he did appreciate their help. They weren’t scary.

  
When they reached his house, he turned around to them. ‘Thank you, Bee.’ He said with all the sincerity he possessed. Bee’s eyes widened in surprise and her cheeks were flushed, it was probably from the cold night air. ‘Don’t mention it.’ They muttered before skulking off. Gabriel watched after them before letting himself back into his house. It was only once he’d hung up his coat that he realised that they’d forgotten to check up on Ezra and Crowley.

[1] Although Gabriel seriously doubted if any of them could be considered friends from the way they all seemed to in a constant state of fighting. Except for Ligur and Hastur, they seemed to genuinely like each other. Bee seemed bewildered by this.  
[2] All of Gabriel’s friends had developed Looks. It was practically a second language at this point. The Look that Sandalphon had just given meant “That sounds like total bullshit, should we press him?” and Uriel’s Look in response was a simple “Let’s just not go there.” Other common Looks included “He’s being an idiot again”, “It’s not worth it” and “We should probably tell him not to put microwavable popcorn in the toaster”. That last Look had been used more times than one would suspect.  
[3] They didn’t. Ezra and Crowley are both very intelligent but they’re also idiots, especially together.  
[4] They said this with the derision typically reserved for sewer rats, Disney live-action remakes and members of the Tory party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE
> 
> College, man, college. 
> 
> Also that Belfast joke, I had to tweak it from it's initial joke because it was WAY too Irish so now I feel like it's too toned down. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.


End file.
